She is so very fragile and vulnerable, and itbreaks my heart to see her sad. It would be easier if I could truly hateher, but I can't. I love her with every fiber of my heart. But I don'ttreat her like I love her. I keep her locked away, out of sight, in thedark. Where no one can see her, and no one can hurt her, but she can'treally live like this. She wants to feel the sun on her skin, and shareher smile and warmth and love with the world. She wants to make friends,and have people to talk to and play with. She just wants a normal life andI can't give it to her. The world is a sharp, cruel place with many teethand things that gnash and tear. The world will eat her alive, brutalizeher, destroy her. In here she is safe. Safe and locked away from the world- and from any chance of salvation.I tried ignoring her, letting her starve. I locked the door and ignoredher and tried to forget she was down there, to convince myself I hadimagined the whole thing. It didn't work. She's resilient,. No noise from a motor, just the sound of a paddle dipping in the water. It was getting near the end of the season, so I figured I would encounter fewer people. As I looked in the distance, I saw one lone canoe. My portage was straight ahead, and I paddled toward it.Since this was one of the first portages, it was wide and not very long. Most people who come up will only make one or two portages. Once you get farther back in, the portages can be up to a half mile or more. I was able to paddle right up to the shore and hop out. My pack weighed about 45 lbs. and I put that on my back. My canoe was Kevlar and weighed about 40 lbs. I easily lifted it to my shoulders and headed down the trail.It wasn't long before the trees opened up to another beautiful lake. This lake was long and narrow. I lifted the canoe off my shoulders and gently placed it on the water. Into the canoe went the pack and I was off paddling again. This scenario would be repeated many times before I arrived at my.
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